so my mom accidentally left herself signed on aol today with her mailbox open and when i went to use the computer i noticed an email from gabe. apparently her and gabe have been e-mailing back and forth for quite some time. i mean, i knew that they had spoken every once and awhile, but he really confessed all his feelings to her and they promised each other that they wouldn't tell me. and reading everything he wrote about how he felt for me and how every day was so difficult (he never told me any of this, i assumed it but seeing him say it is different), it made me cry. and i became so confused because i know i don't want to be back in our messed up relationship and i know i can't get into anything with him again. and it was weird because we had just spoken online and made tentative plans to meet next week and exchange christmas gifts and catch up. and i'm afraid we're going to get right back into our "it's complicated" relationship. and i know i don't want that. but i'm so scared that that's what's going to happen. ugh. this is very repetitive but my thoughts are going in circles over and over again.
new years resolutions: eat better. for real this time. work out more (or at least exercise a little bit, get off your fat ass). work on my flexiblity, stretch more. stop being such a whore. clean my room. reorganize my room. learn to love myself for who i am and to be more confident in who i am.
i haven't watched everwood in the longest time and i miss my show. i really wish my life was more like a movie or a tv show where everything worked out in the end. cause right now things aren't really going anywhere.